Waiting,Wanting,Wondering,Wishing,Walking,&Waking
by yurianimeotaku
Summary: It began as a drabble, but has taken on a life of its own. ShoujoAi
1. Waiting

**DISCLAIMER: **See fine print

**A/N: **Here's a drabble for my readers.

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**Waiting**

Here I am, once again, leaning against my motorcycle waiting…waiting for her. It seems I'm always waiting for her. Well, considering how long she waited for me, I guess I can't complain too much. Day after day, suppressing all the love she felt for me, waiting for the day I would finally open my eyes and see her love for me. Of course, seeing her love for me didn't automatically mean I would return her love. She patiently waited for me to return her love and now I happily wait for her.

I smile as soon as I spot her walking towards me. She returns my smile and her step quickens. I take her in my arms and hug her tight. We don our helmets, straddle my motorcycle, and ride off. I feel her arms tighten around my waist and smile.

We reach our destination and dismount my motorcycle. I wait as she slowly removes her helmet, revealing her most lovely face. She shakes out her hair, hands me her helmet and smiles. My heart feels like it's going to explode from all the love inside. I lock up our helmets and take her hand.

We walk to our favorite spot on the hill, under the tree, overlooking the ocean. I sit down and extend my hand to her. She takes my hand and I help her down. I wrap myself around her back and nuzzle the back of her neck. She always smells wonderful. We cuddle in this position and chat about the day's events. I kiss the side of her neck, eliciting a soft moan from my lover. I kiss her neck again. She moans a bit louder and leans her back into my chest. I gently take her shoulders and turn them slightly, letting her know I would like for her to face me. She turns and wraps her arms around my neck, pushing me back on to the soft grass. Our lips lock in a passionate kiss. I could kiss her soft lips for an eternity and never tire of it. She pulls away to catch her breath. I smile up at her. She smiles back and leans down for another kiss. This one is loving and tender. She runs her fingers through my hair as we kiss. I love how her long fingers feel in my hair. Once again, she pulls away from our kiss to catch her breath. She turns and rests her head on my stomach, looking up at the sky. I run my fingers through her hair and murmur how much I wish we could stay like that forever. She returns my sentiments. We lie together and watch the sky darken.

As we ride back to her place, I cherish the feeling of her arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I admonish myself for making her wait so long for this. As if she read my mind, she tightens her arms around my waist, letting me know she understands. I pull up to her place. I quickly remove my helmet, so I can watch her remove hers. She slides off my motorcycle and removes her helmet. Once again, I wait for her to reveal her most lovely face. She shakes out her hair, hands me her helmet, smiles, and lightly kisses my lips. I watch her disappear through the front door of her place. I sigh, put on my helmet, and head home to Shizuru.


	2. Wanting

**DISCLAIMER: **I have read the fine print and understand it to the best of my ability, as someone who does not speak Legalese.

**A/N: **Well, this started out as a drabble and has taken on a life of its own.

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**Wanting**

She captivated my heart from the first time I saw her. I would secretly watch as she went through her daily routine. She looked like just another angry young teen to the world, but behind those hard green eyes, I saw a frightened, lonely young girl. Her bravado may have fooled the rest of the world, but not me. I wanted to know the girl under the bravado. With each passing day, my love for her deepened, but I could not say or do anything about it. It would not be right. All I could do was watch and want.

How I wanted to feel her arms around me. I would watch her lips move as she spoke to me, wanting to capture them with my own. Every single day, I had some sort of interaction with her, but each time it was the same aloof response towards me. I tried to get her to see my love for her, but she could not see it. Sadness began to overwhelm me as I convinced myself she would never see my love for her.

My pain became unbearable, so I began to distance myself from her. I knew I was hurting her, but I was hurting myself more. She was confused by my behavior, which made her frustrated and angry with me. So many times she tried confronting me about the change in my behavior, but I would just remain silent. Fear guaranteed my silence. I was afraid of losing Natsuki, because my love was inappropriate. How could I tell her I love her when she was with Shizuru?

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**BEHIND THE SCENES: **

Author: (drinking coffee and contemplating next chapter of "Into Infinite Darkness")

Shizuru: (picks up author's cup & smells contents) Not again.

Author: (chuckles) It keeps you and Ms. Viola out of my cup.

Natsuki: (smacks author on the side of the head with her stuffed dog) WHY am I cheating on Shizuru?

Shizuru: (stops rummaging through author's kitchen) Ara, cheating? My Natsuki?

Natsuki: (puts up hands in mock surrender) No, no...I lo-lo-lo…you know. I would NEVER cheat on you. All Author's fault (hands Shizuru a copy of "Waiting").

Shizuru: (glares at author with crazed look) Ano, you know you are in a lot of trouble for this?

Author: (looks at Shizuru, smiles, & shakes head) Don't think so.

Shizuru: (materializes Naginata) Hai, I think so.

Author: (hits DELETE on keyboard & waves) Nope. (Shizuru vanishes)

Natsuki: (looks frantically around for Shizuru) Where did she go? What did you do to her?

Author: (drinks coffee) Calm down, she'll be back before you know it.

Natsuki: (in tears) Please bring Shizuru back…please?

Author: (rolls eyes) On one condition.

Natsuki: (sniffles & hugs her stuffed dog) What?

Author: Control your woman.

Natsuki: (smiles weakly) I'll try.

Author: (brings up SAVED file) There. (Shizuru reappears holding her stuffed Kiyohime)


	3. Wondering

**DISCLAIMER: **See extra fine print

**A/N: **Here's more salt for my ShizNat fans. Yes, my "Behind The Scenes" is not related to the fanfic this time, but after I finished this chapter, I needed some cheering up.

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**Wondering**

I lie next to her, staring at the ceiling, wondering. For so long, she has been my life, my world. She has been my reason for being. I lived and breathed for her and her alone. I wonder, as I look at the ring on my finger, is this still true? Is she still my reason for being? Am I still hers?

Lately, our lives, while joined in matrimony, have taken separate paths. She spends more time away from home now. I keep reassuring myself she's just working late again. She used to be so attentive, but then again, so was I. I wonder if we're drifting apart or have we become too comfortable and now take each other for granted? I look at her sleeping face and my heart still swells with emotion, but I wonder if it's still the same emotion. Her angelic sleeping face is completely lost in dreams. I wonder what she dreams about. Are they still the same haunted dreams of the past? Of our past?

She stirs and murmurs something I cannot understand. I lean over and kiss her cheek. She smiles in her sleep. I wonder if she is really still asleep. She turns and wraps her arm around my waist, snuggling up to me. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss the top of her head.

Her familiar scent fills my senses, making my heart beat faster. She tightens her arm around me and nuzzles against my neck. My desire for her overwhelms me. I wonder if she truly desires me or is she feeling obligated? Maybe a bit guilty? I push those thoughts out of my head and move my hand down her naked back.

She looks up into my eyes. I wonder if I am seeing love in those eyes. I lean down and lightly kiss her soft lips. She smiles and returns my kiss. We look into each other's eyes, as if searching for answers to unasked questions. She cups my cheek and smiles. Overcome with emotion, tears roll down the sides of my eyes. I see the concern in her eyes and shake my head, letting her know I'm okay.

She kisses away my tears, hugs me tightly, and murmurs, "My Natsuki."

I hug her back and whisper in her ear, "Shizuru."

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**BEHIND THE SCENES:**

Shizuru: (blinks and looks around) Ano, what happened?

Natsuki: (hugs Shizuru tightly) Author made you vanish.

Shizuru: (raises one eyebrow and glares at author) Really?

Author: (sips tea and continues to stare at computer screen) Natsuki?

Natsuki: (pulls Shizuru away from author) Come on Shizuru, let's leave Author alone.

Shizuru: (looks at her stuffed Kiyohime in her hands) Ara, why does my Kiyohime have…?

Author: (cuts off Shizuru and grabs her stuffed Kiyohime) Those were Hofftailing-senpai's idea.

Shizuru: (looks at Hofftailing puzzled) Ara?

Author: (throws Shizuru's stuffed Kiyohime to Hofftailing-senpai) Do _something_ with this. ACK!…not THAT _something_! (grabs Shizuru's stuffed Kiyohime away from Hofftailing-senpai).

Hofftailing: (grumbles) Fine. I'm going back to the Strawberry Panic universe (leaves).

Author: (talks to Shizuru's stuffed Kiyohime) I think Hofftailing-senpai's mind has been warped over there.


	4. Wishing

**DISCLAIMER: **What extra fine print?

**A/N: **I planned for this to be the final chapter in my "drabble-turned-mini series," BUT I find I cannot end it just yet.

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**Wishing**

I stare out the window and wish I could be with the woman I love, wherever she is now. Wherever? I know where she is right now. She is with _her_. I wish it were not so, but it is. They are together and I sit alone wishing. If only wishes came true. The woman I love with all my heart and soul would be with me, not with _her_.

Our time together is so precious, because there isn't enough of it. There isn't enough time in the day to share my most beloved with _her_. I wish I could put aside the daily requirements that demand my time and just spend every minute wrapped in my love's arms. Until I met the woman who captivated my heart, I took time for granted. I had so much of it back then; I did not know what to do with it all. I wish I could take back all that wasted time, so I would have it now to spend with my most beloved.

My heart fills with frustration as I stare at the stars. I implore them to bring my beloved back to me now. Searching the heavens, my mind begins to toy with my jealousy. Are they lying in each other's arms kissing deeply? I slam my fist down on the window sill as anger shoves frustration out of my heart. I do not wish to share my love's soft, sweet lips with _her_. My heart rages and tears fill my eyes. This is not fair. I have loved just as long and just as deep as _her_.

Without my beloved, my heart aches. I wish upon a falling star and my heart cries out. My tears flow freely down my cheeks and sadness envelopes my heart. I fall to my knees weeping and wish things were different. As my tears dry, I realize wishing is not going to bring the woman I love to me. If our love is true, as I know it is, we will be together after all is said and done. I grab my coat and go get Natsuki from _her_.


	5. Walking

**DISCLAIMER: **Oh…THAT extra fine print (taking out electron microscope).

**A/N: **I know you all want to see a cat fight in this chapter and I would REALLY like to give you one, BUT…Shizuru is a lady and no amount of "puppy eyes" is going to change this fact. Although, the thought of Shizuru wrestling with another woman is definitely nose bleed material...I digress…sorry, I got lost for a moment.

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**Walking**

The soft grass feels so comforting against my back. As I lie here with her head resting on my stomach, all seems right with the world. I run my fingers through her hair and she sighs. She turns, wraps her arms around me, and buries her face in my chest. I smile and look down at her. Looking back up at me is one twinkling eye and half a smile. My heart overflows with emotions. I wrap my arms around her and look deep into her eyes. She leans in and we kiss, sweetly, then deeply. Yes, all is right with the world.

The sound of a woman clearing her throat interrupts our kiss. Irritated by the intrusion, we slowly break our kiss and look towards the sound. My eyes widen and I move my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I feel like a fish out of water, gasping for air. I stare incredulous, rapidly blinking, trying to clear my vision. My lover looks the woman up and down, then speaks.

"What are you doing here?"

"I've come to take what's mine."

"Yours?"

"Mine."

I'm speechless as I watch them, anticipating a physical altercation, but neither woman moves towards the other. After the shock wears off, I finally find my voice. I gently lift my lover off me and sit up.

"How did you find us?"

"This is where you brought me on our first date."

"Why now?"

"It's time for you to make a decision."

I sheepishly look down at the grass. My mind is a vortex. I can't think straight. My heart is aching from all the conflicting emotions choking it. I stand, steady my voice, and speak.

"I love you both."

"Her or me."

"I can't make this type of decision right now."

"Her or me."

"Please give me some time."

"Her or me."

I look at the two most important women in my life. Life is so unfair to make me have to choose between them. I look into each of their eyes, searching for answers. Each woman's eyes plead with me to choose them. Finally, my head and heart explode.

"Me," I yell and walk away. I hear them scream my name, "Natsuki!"


	6. Waking

**DISCLAIMER: **Okay, I read the extra fine print, but I still don't understand all that Legalese, so this has been an exercise in futility.

**A/N: **Okay…THIS is the final chapter in my "drabble-turned-mini series." Please wait for the ride to come to a complete stop before disembarking. Have a great day.

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**Waking**

Out of the corner of my eye, I see you leaning against the kitchen door jamb, watching me cook breakfast. I look over at you and smile. You come up behind me, wrap your arms around my waist, and kiss the back of my neck. I moan softly and lean back into you. You turn me around and look deep into my eyes. I can tell you've been admonishing yourself, probably for being so blind and stupid. You're always so hard on yourself.

The previous night, after you stubbornly refused to return to the hill, I knew I had to take action or risk losing you. I looked over at her, but she just stood there watching me. I stood and pursued you. When you told me to stop following you, I refused to leave you alone. I desperately needed you to open your eyes and see the depth of my love for you. My heart soared when you finally realized true love was right in front of you all this time, but ached as you tearfully confessed it was due to the fact that either you were too dense or insecure to see it.

You poured out your heart and admitted I was the only woman who ever really saw past your bravado and spoke to the scared insecure little girl inside. Tears rolled down my cheeks as you continued to tell me how through love and patience, I was the only one who ever reached the little girl hiding from the fear and pain of abandonment. Yes, even though it hurt me, I understood that was why you ran to _her_ whenever I was unavailable to you. I wish I would have communicated with you better during those times, but I was immersed in my own problems.

By the time I woke up and realized what was happening, there was nothing else I could do, but let everything play itself out. Through it all, I continued to hold on to the belief our love would be strong enough to weather the storms of insecurity. All that time, I did my best to be patient. I patiently waited for you to wake up and come to your senses. I asked Kami-sama for strength every time you were with _her_. Through it all, I just wanted you to be happy again and return to me on your own. Unfortunately, sometimes my Natsuki can be dense and needs to be smacked with a 2X4, so I took action and got you back.


End file.
